bus play


LUCKY sits down next to VICTIM. VICTIM is listening to music on headphones.


LUCKY: what you listening to?

VICTIM: some hot new breaks and sweet techno, man!

LUCKY: that’s not for you. that’s someone else’s music. do you subscribe to the belief that everyone has their own song, just one song, which represents and equals them? I must kill you.

VICTIM: what?

LUCKY: you have two options; poison or the noose.

VICTIM: you must be crazy! driver! driver!

LUCKY: driver can’t help you. God has laid this upon you. let’s have a look at your sheet… okay, about a week and a bit ago you were out with your friends in civic, you smoked a joint of marijuana and consequently got stoned… then you urinated on a church.

VICTIM: it wasn’t a church, it was a mormon’s house.

LUCKY: unfortunately for you, the church of latter day saints is in fact the correct religion.

VICTIM: how can that be? how would you know what god intends?

LUCKY: I’m an angel. I’ve been raised above other human beings to sit at Jesus’ right hand. You see I used to clean windscreens at the traffic lights on northbourne avenue. then one day a big black car pulled up at the stoplights. the numberplate read ‘Jesus.’ the window on the driver’s side was wound down and there he was – the son of God, the king of kings… Jesus Christ.

VICTIM: what did he look like?

LUCKY: he wore a white suit and a top hat. But his face… it was Ernie Dingo.

VICTIM: that’s garbage.

LUCKY: I didn’t think so either. It’s not what the books say. but he proved it to me. he gave me fifty dollars and said “you’re my man now. you work for the Lord.” I’m an angel now.

VICTIM: listen, man, I’m not disputing any of your story. thing is, though, that God doesn’t kill people for sinning. Jesus died on the cross so that we could be cleansed and then when we die we’re judged for what we’ve done – God doesn’t kill people on buses for pissing a mormon church, you know?

LUCKY: I don’t know shit about theology, man, I just got this piece of paper says you need to die. so what is it – poison or noose?


(VICTIM starts to sob)


VICTIM: …I don’t want… I don’t want to… poison…

LUCKY: ssh, it’s all right. it’ll be all right. open wide. open wide.


(LUCKY feeds VICTIM a little pill, then kisses softly VICTIM on the lips.)


LUCKY: I got something here, man. cassette. put it in your walkman.

VICTIM: what is it?

LUCKY: it’s your song, man. Pink Floyd with Pow. Toc. R. H. There, you like that. That’s nice. Okay, are you ready? this is gonna hurt. a lot. get ready for the end…