Boy President 4. Boy President saves Christmas

In 2006, we tried to get banned from the National Multicultural Fringe Festival by presenting four episodes of The Adventures of Boy President. Shown over four nights of the Fringe, each episode was a half-hour highlight from the first series of the hit TV series about the first ever boy to become president of the United States of America.


like this, but a boy.

Described by writer/director David Finig as “gritty, raw and stylish” and “a disturbing and high-impact expose of US politics”, Boy President was described by everyone else as “trash” and “violent, rambling idiocy”. Produced by King Of Boy President Nickamc, each episode included special DVD commentary from the show’s director Hadley (played by Hadley) and the actor who played Boy President in the original TV series, former child actor Chris Finnigan (played by Jack Lloyd).

4. Boy President saves Christmas

A lot of television shows have trouble pulling off the climactic end of season finales demanded by their audiences. Not so The Adventures of Boy President – in an innovative masterstroke, the show’s director made the brilliant decision that the series would conclude with A CLIPSHOW!


GODDAMMIT A CLIPSHOW   image by frosty.

What does this mean, in stage terms? Well, there was no script for this performance, but if I recall it correctly, the entire cast re-enacted key highlights from the previous three episodes: the battle between Boy President’s Immune System and the Anthrax VirusRicochet Jensen’s film adaptation of Boy President’s election night debate with the Two-Headed ArabBoy President’s body being hijacked by the Magical Pimp while he was sexing Rusty Centre – and all these scenes enhanced by the inclusion of DVD COMMENTARY

provided live by the director of the TV series and the actor who played Boy President. 15 years on, they look back on their work and discuss how these scenes were created, they share tidbits about the talented cast and crew, and they reflect on their lives since The Adventures of Boy President was cancelled by the network. Since his big break at age 9 with the role of Boy President, actor Jack Lloyd divides his time between film appearances, including a recent John Leguizamo vehicle in which Leguizamo is an undercover cop who infiltrates a gang of bikies, and travelling around Los Angeles following the endless party circuit, living in strangers’ houses for days at a time until they force him to leave.


any of these John Leguizamo hangers-on could be Boy President.

Which is, after all, isn’t it, the true meaning of christmas?

See other episodes of The Adventures of Boy President.

Boy President 3. The Magical Pimp

In 2006, we tried to get banned from the National Multicultural Fringe Festival by presenting four episodes of The Adventures of Boy President. Shown over four nights of the Fringe, each episode was a half-hour highlight from the first series of the hit TV series about the first ever boy to become president of the United States of America.


like this, but a boy.

Described by writer/director David Finig as “gritty, raw and stylish” and “a disturbing and high-impact expose of US politics”, Boy President was described by everyone else as “trash” and “violent, rambling idiocy”. Produced by King Of Boy President Nickamc, each episode included special DVD commentary from the show’s director Hadley (played by Hadley) and the actor who played Boy President in the original TV series, former child actor Chris Finnigan (played by Jack Lloyd).

3. Boy President and the Magical Pimp

Like the Arabian Caliphs of old, Boy President sometimes disguises himself and walks amongst the common people of the USA, partly so that he can learn the truth about the American peoples’ fears and hopes, but mostly to carry out his election promise of harming beatniks.


Like the Caliphs of old, Boy President walks the crowded marketplaces of his city and harms beatniks.

One after another, the men and women that Boy President encounters express their hatred and disgust for their country’s ruler. One after another, the Chaos Marines beat these miserable backsliders into a sidewalk-shaped pulp. But while the people speak of Boy President in the tone of voice that you take when you are swallowing a mouthful of burning gravel, there is another name spoken in a different way – a name pronounced with love and respect. All across America, the people are chanting ‘pimp – pimp – pimp – magical pimp –‘

Usurper: They say this is the lair of the famed Magical Pimp.

Boy: I’m not scared by a damn pimp.

Standard: They say she can breathe fire. And electricity.

Boy: There’s no such thing as electricity. Or fire.


I am a Magical Pimp.

And when the Magical Pimp emerges, she is nothing but politeness to Boy President and his servitors. Indeed, she offers the young Emperor a free rut with skilled courtesan and yo-yo champion Rusty Centre! How can any 10 year old resist? Boy President and Rusty Centre clasp hands and

Boy: We’re sexing! We’re sexing!


We’re sexing! We’re sexing!

But as soon as they finish sexing, Boy President seems strangely subdued. When he offers the Magical Pimp a cabinet position as his new chief advisor and commands that Rusty Centre be hurled into the poison-pits, Voice of Reason suspects something suspicious has taken place. As the Chaos Marines rough her up and kick her out into the street, Rusty Centre howls in rage that she is Boy President, and that the whore has taken her body! Voice of Reason straightaway realises what has happened, and damned if Voice of Reason is going to stand by while the Magical Pimp’s creature takes power in the country – there must be a battle!


In an earlier episode, Boy President deliberately infected the Voice of Reason with anthrax.

After a brutal showdown, Voice of Reason finally slays the Magical Pimp, and grabs the arm of the person who is in Boy President’s body.

Reason: Now, you little scratch. You’re not really Boy President, are you?

Boy: Please don’t kill me! I’ll do anything.

Reason: All right, here’s how it goes. When I suggest something, that’s what you do. If I hear that you’ve made a decision on your own, I’ll reveal you and the wolves can feast on you. Understand?

Boy: Yes.

Usurper: Voice of Reason – this broad wants a word with you.

Rusty: Voice of Reason, you’ve saved me from the Magical Pimp! Thank you so much.

Reason: You’re welcome.

Rusty: Now we just need to find a way to switch me back into the body of Boy President.

Reason: And why would we want that?

Rusty: Because… I’m the President. I’m Boy President.

Reason: So you are. Boy President, there’s something I’ve always wanted to say to you.

Rusty: Say it.

Voice of Reason punches Rusty in the face and sends her reeling.

Reason: Chaos Marines. Drag this tart out into the trash and stomp on her.

Standard: Tart-stomping ahoy!

Trumpeter: I like the pretty lights!


I like the pretty lights!

And with those joyous words, another of Boy President’s exciting adventures comes to a triumphant end! Where can the series go from a high watermark like this? From strength to strength, presumably – tune in to the season finale episode: Boy President Saves Christmas!

Download Boy President 3: The Magical Pimp.doc

See other episodes of The Adventures of Boy President.

Boy President 2. The Movie of Boy President

In 2006, we tried to get banned from the National Multicultural Fringe Festival by presenting four episodes of The Adventures of Boy President. Shown over four nights of the Fringe, each episode was a half-hour highlight from the first serious of the (sadly fictional) hit TV series about the first ever boy to become president of the United States of America.


like this, but a boy.

Described by writer/director David Finig as “gritty, raw and stylish” and “a disturbing and high-impact expose of US politics”, Boy President was described by everyone else as “trash” and “violent, rambling idiocy”. Produced by King Of Boy President Nickamc, each episode included special DVD commentary from the show’s director Hadley (played by Hadley) and the actor who played Boy President in the original TV series, former child actor Chris Finnigan (played by Jack Lloyd).

2. The Movie of Boy President

Walking at high speed in between the tables and down the corridors of power are four of the most powerful people in the United States: Boy President’s right-hand man Cardinal Usurper (Joel Barcham), poison-taster The Voice of Reason (Alison McGregor), and the Standard Bearer and Trumpeter for the Imperial Chaos Marines (David Shaw and Mick Bailey). They are, naturally enough, concerned about a political crisis. Without going into too much detail, there has been a small kerfuffle with the Minister of Education diverting a sizeable percentage (say more than 40%) of the US’ education budget towards the purchase of LOTS OF SMACK. Johnny Free Press and Susan Informed Voter are going to want an explanation. What will Boy President do?


Rogue filmmaker Ricochet Jensen works for a little thing called The Truth!

The answer: Boy President doesn’t care about the political crisis, and he has invited rogue film-maker Ricochet Jensen (Robbie Matthews) to the White House to make a movie of Boy President! The motion picture of the summer! And who will be playing the part of Boy President? Why, none other than the United States’ most famous actor, explorer, shot putter and sniper: Richie Rich!


Actor, explorer, shot-putter, sniper, heart-throb. Richie Rich.

(Word to the wise: Richie Rich (Sam Burns-Warr) and Boy President have not seen each other since Primary School Prom, where their famed dance-off became a thing of legend.)

But to the film! Ricochet is shooting the climax of the film, the highlight of Boy President’s rise to fame – his election night debate with his opponent, the Two-Headed Arab (Jarrod Emmanuel). Boy President and his staff watch closely as Ricochet Jensen, Richie Rich and the Two-Headed Arab recreate the debate which secured Boy President his throne. And yet something is not right. In this re-enactment, Boy President appears to be a bigoted lunatic, far from the rational and fair-minded leader we know and love. Clearly it is a stitch up, an attempt to defame Boy President’s good name.


Is it possible that the Two-Headed Arab is more lucid and reasonable than our beloved Boy President?

Boy: This is not what happened. I remember different things than these things!

Ricochet: What’s the matter, Boy President? A little too close for comfort?

Boy: I thought you weren’t going to put this bit in, Ricochet.

Ricochet: Sorry, Boy President. I work for a little thing called THE TRUTH.

Boy: Is that so? Well I work for a little thing called I’M GOING TO SLAY YOU! DIE!

Alas, Boy President’s minions are next to worthless in this battle. Each of them is guilty of a mountain of crimes (mostly war crimes), and stand to face trial in international courts for war crimes and human rights violations – they scurry and flee the incriminating eye of Ricochet’s camera! The battle comes down, as we always knew it would, to Boy President and Richie Rich. A dance-off. Just like Primary School Prom.

Cue the Avalanches’ Rock City, from their El Producto EP.


Swimming pools, Brian Jones, Rolling Stones-ah! That’s Rock City!

After a mere 100 seconds of dancing, the gentleman playing the Two-Headed Arab intervenes. With a single wave of his arm, he stills the chaos around him. It is no actor – this is the true Two-Headed Arab! This is the man who won the election in a landslide, and then abdicated in favour of his opponent because, as he puts it: ‘America deserves you, Boy President. America deserves you.’

A sobering thought. All that remains is for Boy President to solve the political crisis from the beginning of the episode (which he does skilfully and imaginatively) and we are back where we started, ready for next time!

Download Boy President 2: The Movie of Boy President.doc

See other episodes of The Adventures of Boy President.

Boy President 1. The Pilot Episode of Boy President

In 2006, we tried to get banned from the National Multicultural Fringe Festival by presenting four episodes of The Adventures of Boy President. Shown over four nights of the Fringe, each episode was a half-hour highlight from the first serious of the (sadly fictional) hit TV series about the first ever boy to become president of the United States of America.


like this, but a boy.

Described by writer/director David Finig as “gritty, raw and stylish” and “a disturbing and high-impact expose of US politics”, Boy President was described by everyone else as “trash” and “violent, rambling idiocy”. Produced by King Of Boy President Nickamc, each episode included special DVD commentary from the show’s director Hadley (played by Hadley) and the actor who played Boy President in the original TV series, former child actor Chris Finnigan (played by Jack Lloyd).

1. The Pilot Episode of Boy President

Boy President (Chris Finnigan) is nowhere to be found. Where is he? Why he’s over there, desecrating the graves of his ancestors – for fun!

Boy President is feeling unwell. A cursory X-ray reveals his immune system (portrayed by Max Barker) has been infiltrated by the deadly Anthrax virus (Pat Barker). Cardinal Usurper (Joel Barcham) proposes a cure – shoot the virus to death! Ignoring the advice of his poison-taster (Alison McGregor), Boy President undergoes this radical surgery. However, once the Imperial Chaos Marines (Mick Bailey and David Shaw) have finished machine-gunning him with the Death Ray, Boy President realises that it was a cunning treacherous plot! Cardinal Usurper orders Boy President’s body thrown to the wolves (the space wolves) and takes control of the nation!


The valient Standard Bearer and Trumpeter for the Imperial Chaos Marines (David Shaw and Mick Bailey).

Boy President is hurled into space, cast aside like a rag doll, while Cardinal Usurper prepares for his coronation and a new regime based on rationality and compassion. Drifting through space, though, Boy President cuts a deal with the virus still raging through his body – Anthrax will be provided with unlimited victims in return for helping Boy President take back power.


Boy President cuts a deal with the Anthrax virus.

Back in the White House, just as the crown is about to be lowered on to Cardinal Usurper’s head, there is a mysterious disturbance. ‘Who dares disturb my coronation?’ demands Usurper.

‘Coronation, Cardinal Usurper?’ growls Boy President, ‘This is bad comedy!’

‘What? Boy President?’ sneers Usurper.

‘No! Anthrax President!’


In an unrelated film: ‘Megatron?’ ‘No, Galvatron!’

After a bloody battle, Boy President subdues his treacherous minions and contaminates the Voice of Reason with anthrax, out of spite at her loyalty and common sense. His would-be murderers are returned to their high-ranking positions and the status quo is secured. All is peace and splendour!

Download Boy President 1: Pilot Episode.doc

See other episodes of The Adventures of Boy President.

Television Play


image by frosty

You know when you have an idea for a new TV show, or a new shape of table, or a new currency, and you think ‘That’s a good idea,’ and then you wonder why, if it’s such a good idea, you haven’t seen it in action already? A few nights ago, I came across an old word file entitled Television Play. I’m guessing I wrote or assembled it sometime in 07-08, based on the other script fragments I’d copied and pasted into the file in an attempt to shore it up.

A quick examination revealed the concept to be a work of genius: ‘Two stations are set up on the stage/performance space, each representing a TV channel, producing and broadcasting television. Each TV station possesses a small complement of technical lighting/sound/FX gear, a technician and 2-3 actors.

‘The two stations broadcast different shows, trying to outdo each other in terms of ratings. Each TV program is performed centre-stage by the performers from that channel. At times, both stations broadcast shows simultaneously, and the stage is host to two completely unrelated performances in the same space at the same time.’

I wrote those words. Sometime in 07-08, I sat down at a computer and wrote those words, without a trace of irony or any doubt that it was a brilliant idea. And even in the cold hard light of 2010, as I was reading them I could almost find myself following Finig 07-08’s demented moon logic. After all, if one theatre show on a stage is good, then surely two shows on a stage is twice as good?

Kindly, in the unlikely instance of someone not getting the idea behind this drooling gibberish straight away, Finig 07-08 provides us with an example of the sort of thrills and spills you might experience as an audience member during a performance of Television Play:


I googled ‘sitcom’

Channel A broadcasts a sitcom. The show is introduced with a blurb and ratings in the style of a (spoken / projected / handwritten) TV guide: ‘Charlie Goes Wild: Charlie can’t believe that Fred has never been to a nightclub before. PG, sexual references.’ Channel A’s two performers go centre-stage and begin performing. The sitcom, like all the other programs in Television Play, is an incomplete fragment inspired by or scavenged from shitty TV. The technician for Channel A plays the soundtrack, creates sound and lighting effects (eg canned laughter), and voices additional characters.

While Channel A’s sitcom is being performed, Channel B begins to broadcast a nature documentary. A performer from Channel B steps into the sitcom scene and begins narrating David Attenborough-esque lines about a rare species of sloth, while the technician creates sloth sounds and special effects. The two scenes co-exist for a few moments, then one or the other of them dissolves and dies and the performers return to their channel’s HQ.

Let me be blunt: when I expend my time, energy and money on a night at the theatre, that is precisely what I want to see. Multiple performances intertwined on one stage, mixed in and out of each other and glowing with the familiar signifiers of commercial TV.


I googled ‘nature’

I realise that Finig 07-08 has left himself open to the interpretation that this could be the framework for a Theatresports Impro evening, but I’ll speak for him and say No Fucking Way. Two separate TV shows being enacted live simultaneously on stage at the same time? It needs to be shaped, sculpted by a director with an eye to the overarching ebb and flow of story, character, sound, light and pulp.

Now while the text for Television Play itself is less than a page, and is basically exactly what I’ve just described, Finig 07-08 clearly went on some high-voltage scavenger hunt through my back catalogue to find any and every fragment of script that might be suitable for performance as part of this show. I am pleased to see TV Guide, which Canberra Youth Theatre recently put on stage, alongside short scripts such as Sad Threesomes, Sitcom in three time periods and Trolling Prostitutes.

Also, my magpie instincts stretched so far as to transcribe the dialogue from the finale of The Usual Suspects (‘The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist… and like that – he’s gone!’), the preview for the Michael Bay / Ewan McGregor masterpiece The Island and the stomach-turning first entrance of the President in the pilot episode of West Wing.


I am the Lord your God. Thou shalt worship no other God before me.’ Bet you think I’m making that up.

All in all, it’s either a visionary work of genius, or it’s written by someone whose aesthetic instincts are so close to my own that I have no objectivity. For that reason, I need now to turn it over to YOU: to read, assess, and to let me know, in that solemn sad voice you sometimes use, whether it really is as good an idea as my every instinct cries out.

Download Television Play.doc

Television Play! Television Play! Vindicate me or show me how terribly mistaken I am!